Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Update

Well. . .  almost 2 months since my last post and nothing to report on the adoption front.  December marked 3 years since we signed our contract with Commonwealth.  We have been through a LOT this adoption process especially when compared with out first.  I was told it would take longer this time around, but somehow, I had refused to believe it would be THIS different.  As I look back these 3 years, particularly these last few months I see I have made mistakes along the way.  Funny, because when I was giving seminars for CAII to families considering adoption, I always reiterated how the process is filled with uncertainty, that you will have pitfalls along the way, that you have to be flexible and never lose hope. . . yet I have not done those things this time around.  Truthfully, it was quite easy to say them because back then I had not experienced them, everything went so smoothly with Oli's adoption (apart from the fact we still had not received our passports back from the Colombian Embassy the day we were to travel . . . but that is another story - See the end of this post for that outcome).  So following are a few recommendations for those of you that are "in process".

1)  Keep a blog, you will be grateful when you come home with your child, others love reading them and it will be a very special gift for your son or daughter someday.  Write down how you feel while you wait and the experiences you have during the process. 
2) Talk to your child (in your mind or out loud whatever you prefer,) tell them how much you are waiting for him/her .  . I truly believe you are somehow calling them to come to you.
3) Keep living, dont put your life ON HOLD!!!  This is where I messed up big time this time around.  For the past 6 months I have declined so many invitations to things and not planned events and trips "just in case".  I have missed out on a lot of fun activities because I did not want to have to cancel them at the last minute and I was sure we were going to get THE CALL any day.  Instead I sat like a fool next to the phone waiting and watching life pass by.  So this is my most important recommendation . . dont NOT do things "just in case we get our referral", keep as busy as possible and when it does happen you will be more than happy to call people and cancel plans (and I am sure they will forgive you when they hear the great reason you have)!
4) Even when you are at your wit's end and dont think you can bear the wait any more . . . distract yourself . . . call a friend, write in your blog/journal and vent, take your nieces or nephews for the weekend, even go to your favorite fast food joint and pig our but, NEVER lose faith that it will happen!

Here are some recent pictures, Oli, as always is such a joy to us and definitely keeps us on our toes!

This one is Oli on Christmas morning with her favorite gift and the next one is at her school on snow day
With Tia Maria and cousins at the circus

PS We did finally receive the passports on the morning we were to travel to COL. . . .I am sure we were the highlight of that Fedex guy's day because when he rang the doorbell he had 2 extremely excited people waiting for him . . . . I believe I even gave him a hug!  :)

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Zita, thanks for sharing, it is hard to imagine such a long and endless wait... but what I am absolutely sure is that the second time around it is so much easier to wait with a gorgeous child to take your mind off of the interminable paper pregnancy and enjoy them each day... definitely should not put anything on hold and JUST DO IT!
Fernanda

Gladney Adoption said...

Thank you so much for sharing the reality of adoption!

Colombia Adoption

Anonymous said...

Zita, I truly understand everything you said & feel in your post. As a fellow CAII to Gladney family, I understand all the ups & downs. November 2009 marked 5 years since we signed with Commonwealth. A roller coaster is the best thing you can compare our past 5 yrs. We are guilty of occasionally putting life on hold . I agree it is important to live through the waiting process. Currently, we are still in the waiting process. Who knows maybe we will be in Colombia at the same time sometime soon :)
Leslie